


Possibly the Worst Twelve Hours of Daichi Sawamura's Life

by Here_we_go



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Kuroo is the dd, basically just drunk shenanigans, college is fun, they drink a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7482936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Here_we_go/pseuds/Here_we_go
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daichi hosts a get together. Kuroo is a brat. There is much alcohol to be had by all. They play twister and go to the supermarket and all work together to inadvertently ruin Daichi's life. It's a party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Possibly the Worst Twelve Hours of Daichi Sawamura's Life

10:00 PM (Daichi is three beers in)

College was a wonderful thing. It brought together old rivals and made them into friends. Maybe not friends maybe more like frenemies basically still rivals. But the best thing about college was the liquor. Nothing brought a group of individuals together like concurrent drunkness. Everyone was your friend when you were drunk. Even Kuroo. God Kuroo was the fucking worst who even invited him. Why the fuck was Daichi Sawamura drunk and that punk Kuroo was still standing around sober with that stupidly attractive smirk. What the fuck was up with that guy.

“God the nerve of some people”

“What was that Sawamura?”

“I said fuck off Kuroo god fucking mm” Daichi dissolves into irritated mumbling and Kuroo laughs

11:00 PM (the hard liquor arrives)

Akaashi Keiji was a god. This was a well-known fact. Anyone who had ever laid eyes on him could attest to his ethereal beauty, but this was a whole other thing entirely. Never in all his years had Sawamura Daichi seen someone drink directly from a bottle of Absolute Vodka as Keiji was doing now. He had picked up the bottle and as cool and casual as can be started drinking. He had yet to stop. Without breath or pause Keiji was about to bottom out the bottle all by himself. They could all only stand in horror and awe. Daichi would worry about alcohol poisoning if Akaashi had not already proven himself above such things. He was a god among men. Untouchable, immortal, invincible. Akaashi set down the bottle with a satisfied sigh and promptly lay across the couch resting his head in Bokuto’s lap and fell asleep. They were all left to wonder and admire. That night Akaashi Keiji graduated from the earthly tier of mortals and men and became legend.

12:00 AM (Yaku becomes too incapacitated to stop them anymore)

Mario kart does not destroy friendships. It is Mario Party’s more fun less horrendous cousin. It is fun and everyone loves it. That would normally be the case here as well. But the fact of the matter is they are all approaching drunk out of their mind levels and Suga has just picked rainbow road. Suga has just declared a shot must be taken for every place you are behind the winner. Suga is the devil. Suga has just finished his seventh jello shot. Suga is so infuriatingly good at Mario kart that Daichi should punch him, would punch him if he wasn’t so beautiful. Suga is in first place, he is unbeatable. They quickly realize they should not be trying to beat Suga, it is a fool’s errand, but instead focusing all of their efforts only on beating each other. Yaku gives up 2 laps in when he’s lapped by a highly inebriated but still incredibly skilled Kenma. He lies down on the floor accepting his alcohol poisoning fate. Tsukishima resorts to using his stupidly long arms to snatch other players remotes while still holding his out of reach. He even resorts to kicking the remote out of someone’s hands as they are about to hit Yamaguchi with a turtle shell. Daichi would normally find this sweet if he wasn’t the one getting kicked. Kenma comes in first. Suga comes in second and downs his shot with a smile. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi snag fifth and sixth respectively. Daichi finishes seventh and is ready to die. Kuroo finishes 10th despite being the only sober one there. The whole night goes to shit when Bokuto downs his 11 shots one after the other.

1:00 AM (The second coming of the messiah)

Akaashi rises from the dead to quietly destroy them all at Jenga. Yaku takes his place on the couch too drunk to care that he’s lying on top of Lev. Kiyoko arriving fashionably late, having thankfully missed the Mario kart disaster, quickly catches herself up on alcohol by taking continuous whiskey shots. She joins Akaashi on God Tier when, after her twelfth shot, she removes a second piece from the bottom level of the tower leaving it balanced on only the far right block. Bokuto quickly afterwards somehow moves below human tier when he knocks over not only the tower but also the table by removing a top middle piece. He is thereafter banned from the kitchen and sentenced to spend the remainder of the hour sobering up.

2:00 AM (Daichi is gayer than originally planned for)

Bokuto does the opposite of sober up and Lev finds a twister mat. Daichi does not remember buying a twister mat but there it is, right there in his closet. Dear god. Kiyoko mans the spinner, Kuroo is the worst, Suga is the Slutty Drunk™, and Lev has legs that are frankly just Too Long. Daichi just cannot catch a break. This is the worst, the absolute worst. Kuroo got Lev out early in this round, nasty little fucker totally kicked him on purpose. Suga and Kuroo are both taking full advantage of the fact that they're the only ones on the board with Daichi and his rampant gayness. Kuroo is literally on top of Daichi. His hands are down on either side of Daichi’s head and his left leg is way farther up between Daichi’s legs than is frankly necessary.

“Right leg red” Kiyoko calls out. Daichi moves his leg. Kuroo moves his and drops down even lower over Daichi. All the heat in Daichi’s body immediately goes to his face. This sucks. Why is Kuroo of all people even making him so flustered God. He would blame it on the alcohol but he really isn’t even that drunk anymore.

“You cat-eyed bastard.” Daichi hisses into Kuroo’s face, a scant couple inches from his own, but before Kuroo can retort Suga swings his right foot onto the red dot. This would not have been a problem if it hadn’t involved putting Daichi’s left arm directly between Suga’s legs and he was smirking and he so did that on purpose and-

“Nice one Suga.” Kuroo stage whispers to Koushi and honestly Daichi was going to kill them both after he stopped blushing so bad oh my god.

“Wow RIP Daichi.”

“Fuck off Morisuke!” Yaku just laughed and rolled back over to sleep.

3:00 AM (things really start to go downhill)

“Let’s go to the supermarket!” Bokuto has just barely recovered from his one on one twister match with Akaashi and yet he’s still full of terrible ideas. “We can buy Sawamura new food since Lev, Kenma and Akaashi just cleared out his fridge.”

“They what!?” sure enough though there was Kenma sitting on the counter dead eyed curled around a gigantic pot of pesto noodles and Akaashi sitting in a stool next to him eating from the pot with a fork. Around them was scattered empty containers of food and used dishes. Lev was at the stove stirring a pot and singing in Russian as he tended to do after reaching a certain level of inebriation.

Here was a surprising fact; Lev Haiba knew his way around a kitchen. Even more surprising though was the way his cooking skills increased exponentially with each raise in his blood alcohol content. There were at least half a dozen empty bottles scattering the remaining counter space. Haiba Lev was currently a better cook than Gordon Ramsey.

“I second that.” Akaashi said around a mouthful of pasta waving his fork in the air. Akaashi was really such a terrible drunk, by which Daichi means that he agrees with Bokuto more which is the worst thing you can ever do.

“Yeah Daichi what’s the harm?” Kuroo swings an arm around Daichi’s shoulders with that stupid smirk. This is what Daichi hates about Kuroo, he’s sober he has absolutely no excuse to be agreeing with Bokuto and yet here he is, telling Daichi they should bring a bunch of drunk people to the supermarket at fuck o’clock in the morning. “I’ll drive. I’m sober. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Daichi mimes to Kuroo as he watches Bokuto, crying softly (“I’ll save you I promise. You’ll be free soon”), try for the fifteenth time to get a Rowlet from the crane machine inside the entryway to the 24-hour store they had found. Akaashi and Suga had disappeared into the sugar cereal aisle minutes ago and had yet to be seen again. Kiyoko had been reading the back of a tin of canned dog food for at least ten solid minutes. Kenma had all but vanished after securing a Litten from the vending machine in one go which concerned Daichi slightly but as Kuroo kept assuring him was “perfectly normal for Kenma.” Tsukki and Yamaguchi had disappeared into the alcohol section which was perhaps more concerning and Yaku was all but comatose on a bench near the door. Counter intuitively it seemed Lev, who had disappeared happily with a neatly written grocery list into the fruits aisle, would be the least of their worries.

“Well it could be-”

“If you fucking jinx me right now Kuroo I swear to-”

Right on cue Kiyoko begins to cry into her canned dog food. There is no prior indication that this dog food is causing her emotional distress. One minute she is reading the nutrition facts as she has been since they arrived the next she is crying.

Daichi immediately goes into Concerned Father Mode, 11 bourbon shots be damned. Only Kuroo beats him to it.

“Kiyoko-san what’s the matter?”

“I just- I miss my dog s-so much.” Kuroo immediately looks close to tears himself and Daichi suddenly recalls a cat that Kuroo hasn’t had the chance to visit in months.

“I understand. Please wait here” Maybe Tetsurou wasn’t such an asshole after all.

At least that’s what Daichi was thinking until Kuroo preceded to kick Bokuto off the crane machine and spend no less that four of Daichi’s dollars acquiring an Arcanine plush. He then delivers this to Kiyoko with the utmost delicacy. Though Daichi finds he can’t really be mad with the theft when Kiyoko hugs the Pokemon to her chest and thanks Kuroo profusely.

But as one door closes another opens. Just as Kiyoko is beginning to calm down Bokuto, freed from his crane trance came thundering down the aisle. It was not that Bokuto had a shopping cart, it was not that both Akaashi and Tsukishima were crammed dead eyed into the basket of this shopping cart drinking from travel sized bottles of whiskey, it was not even the fact that Yamaguchi was jogging next to the cart handing them new bottles, it was the fact that Bokuto was singing. Bokuto was not a good singer and this was not improved by his catastrophic drunkness. Nor was it improved by the fact that he was singing, with increasing volume, the original Pokemon theme.

This could not get any worse, Daichi thought. This could not possibly get any worse. And as if the universe was conspiring to prove him wrong just as Bokuto reached the peak of his crescendo Suga reappeared to slam a jumbo pack of condoms onto the nearest conveyor belt.

4:00 AM (late arrivals)

Daichi and Kuroo had managed to corral the shopping cart quartet + Kiyoko, Suga, and Yaku from the store before anything worse could happen. They are halfway to the car when they realize they were short two people.

“Kenma and Lev!” Kuroo exclaims holding Bokuto in a full Nelson to shove him into the car.  
Daichi meets his gaze over Suga’s head then looks to Bokuto. They shake their heads in unison. Nothing good could come of going back into the store and leaving Bokuto unsupervised. Sacrifices would have to be made.

Kuroo whispers a short prayer for Kenma, abandoned in the store with Lev and climbs into the driver’s seat. Daichi clambers into the trunk with Suga and slams the door before Suga can go for his fourth escape attempt.

One short drive and 45 minutes of trying to get everyone to bed later Lev stumbles through the door with Kozume slung over his shoulder like a potato sack and bags upon bags of groceries.

Daichi pokes his head out of the bedroom where he was tucking Kiyoko in, Kuroo drops Tsukishima on the floor and runs to the duo quickly extracting Kenma from Lev’s arms.

“I found him asleep in the freezer aisle.” Lev whispers disentangling his arms from the legions of grocery bags.

Daichi steps forward to help him start putting the groceries away but not before catching a glimpse of Kozume. It was possibly the most adorable thing Daichi has ever seen. Kenma’s face is turned sleepily into Kuroo’s shoulder and his stuffed Litten is still wrapped in his arms, tucked safely under his chin. Daichi watches in amazement as Kenma grants Kuroo affection he never would have awake by nuzzling into his chest. Kozume-san was exactly like a cat. How adorable.

He was snapped out of it by the sounds of Bokuto knocking over his CD rack.

5:00 AM (finally)

By five they are all safely tucked away. Kiyoko is comfortably curled up in Daichi’s bedroom with her Arcanine. Akaashi, Tsukishima, and Bokuto are piled together on the couch with Yamaguchi leaning into Tsukishima's dangling legs Kei’s hand in his hair. Yaku is splayed across an armchair hopelessly entangled with Kenma and Lev who’s hanging more than half off the chair. The last group is Suga, Daichi and Kuroo all bundled up in a pile of spare couch cushions and blankets

10:00 PM (wakey wakey eggs and bakey)

Daichi wakes to the smell of bacon with a pounding headache. He is sore and bleary and completely aware of the fact that he spent the last hours curled forward into Suga and being the little spoon for Kuroo fucking Tetsurou. God. Damn. It.

He opens his eyes with great regret, and finds the rest of their company slowly wandering into consciousness. Suga is drinking coffee as angrily as it is possible to drink coffee. Akaashi is there next to him eating more than it should be possible for a hungover man to eat. Yamaguchi is trying to be helpful in the kitchen. Bokuto is trying to be unhelpful. Tsukishima is still dead to the world. Yaku is curled tightly into Lev and Kenma is sleeping in a barstool at the counter. The door to the bedroom is still closed. Kuroo is cooking bacon and pancakes.

Daichi stands up and feels abruptly like he is going to die. He stumbles less than gracefully into the kitchen and very nearly takes out the coffee pot trying to sit down. His head is imploding, his eyes are shriveling in his skull, his stomach is turning inside out, he’s dying he’s sure of it. Kuroo leans onto the counter in front of him that stupid not-hungover smirk on his face. Daichi scowls.

“Aww look who’s awake,” Kuroo croons “does sleeping beauty want some pancakes?”

“God, fuck you Tetsurou.”


End file.
